Happy Birthday!

I haven't blogged in forever; google's 'unsupporting' just made it too hard, but it's my birthday morning and I thought I'd catch up. Ellie's baby is immiently due...every day she asks me when am I having this baby?, and I tell her tomorrow--although I'm really hoping it's today. I have two cousins that were born on my birthday and I can't help but wonder if a woman's cycle is an inherited event.

Ellie didn't want to know if it's a boy or a girl, but she thinks that it is a girl, and try as I might to convince her to name her Gabriella Francesca, it's going to be Gabriella Isabelle or Mason Robert. I would have gone for Robert Mason and then called him Tripp--not as any homage to the Palin family, but Tripp as short for triple--Robert, the third.

I had my very last online date last week--it was awful, I was traumatized, and I'm done. I have a whole retro thing going on in my life--and it's all because of my adoring Gracie Allen and getting to watch the old Burns and Allen TV show--I have this pull to go back in time. So I've decided that my dating life has gone back to a traditional way of meeting someone, or I won't date at all.

I also have a lot of the 'laws of attraction' coming at me from many people/places in my life; I'm going to go with the flow and let it happen without fighting it. I.e. having a bad online date turn into my last one. I'm closing that door--maybe for good. I did note that Dr. Joshua looked at my profile a couple of weeks ago; it's been 5 years. There's something between us that doesn't go away; but the timing isn't right for us to be together either. I do think about L. and I wonder if he's happier now or if he still longs for Elaina. I had noticed that someone was reading my blogs from the San Diego area and I wondered if it was him. I guess it doesn't really matter, because when it gets distilled, if he wanted to be dating me, we would be dating--and that's all that there is. It's not all that difficult to find me; he knows how.

I recently had someone talk to me about how to find the part of her femininity that she lost as a child. I told her that I didn't really know how to lead her back, but if she began living in her senses instead of her logical, rational thought processes, she'd find it. She asked me if she should be living in 5 senses or 6 and I thought it was a brilliant question. I told her to live in all six--which includes the five that we were all taught, plus the sixth of intuition and spirituality. I guess that's why I thought about L. recently. I don't think that he ever understood that everything inside of me was screaming at me to save his life. He thought I was crazy; I know that I'm not. I don't know if I was wrong; maybe I was just early--but intuition happens when it happens.

My friends that are all involved with their vision boards tell me that the clues are all around me. I listened to it when the universe told me to close the door on the online dating world. Within 3 days I had 3 men in real life tell me that I was pretty. I was paid enough attention in the real world to know that there is a difference between men catalog and window shopping verses hunting and capturing a woman's heart.

It's been a beautiful summer here, and I dream of living a life of endless summer and to be more specific, a lifetime of the month of June. It's been peaceful this summer and I've taken moments to stop reading and chatting with my neighbors to live in the moment of feeling the sun on my skin and the breezes blowing through my hair.

This morning, much to my surprise I woke up to find ONE balloon flower had blossomed--far out of season but something that brought me joy.

I also woke up very early and headed about 30 minutes into Morristown to go to the Swiss Chalet bakery. They bake my favorite cake--it's an apple almond torte and it's the only one that I ever want on my birthday. Although recently I had some Blue Bunny ice cream in a flavor called 'wedding cake' which was very good.

I'm getting offline; you can find me one year older, but poolside this afternoon.

PS I'm putting it out to the universe. I'd like white BMW 535ix and a Louis Vuitton beauty/travel case. I'd also like to find a way to move to Florida or Southern California--I know my choice will become clearer to me.

PPS It happened again last night. I took myself out to a local upscale restaurant that I hadn't even been in before. The manager came over to me and introduced himself as a neighbor of mine. If you would have asked me to pick him out of a lineup, I would have said that I've never seen him before. He told me that he had noticed me when I had moved in four and half years ago. Not withstanding my childhood dream of being Honey West, I guess I wouldn't be hired by the government into clandestine operations. I'm too well noticed; people remember me. All of the time people tell me that they know me and I tell them that they don't--but they point out a place that I might have visited or lived at and as it turns out, they do know me. It's oddest is when people tell me that they've seen my films, or ask me how do I like being famous? I can't imagine who they think that I am, but I know that there is a power in me that inspires rememberance.

Birthday kisses--

PPS...the morning after...I had lots of invitations yesterday for lunch, dinner and drinks. It reminds me that although I don't have a man in my life currently, I'm grateful for the friends and family that remembered.

Jorge popped by last night. I haven't seen him in a year. He came with a wedding ring on his hand and a wife in tow; they're moving to south Jersey tomorrow to start their life together. He's 19, she's 20. They've made a decision young. I don't know if I would have had the courage to do that, but not having made one has it's own consequences.. He told me that J. has a new boyfriend and lots of facebook pics that have her looking like a straight up street ho acting like a hood rat. He showed me the pictures of her and her new guy; you might pick him out as 'any given Saturday night at the Jersey Shore' type. She deserves better but she doesn't know it yet.

Phia sold her house--she's moving on October 1st.; another of my friends here that are gone. I really don't like it when the world changes...