It's definitely still a risk for me to be with him exclusively until this ring thing happens, but at this point yes I will just follow his lead instead of forcing the issue. Although it's still only words, and he said a lot of them early on in our relationship as well, I do think the time apart helped him be more decisive in moving forward. I don't know what more I could ask for at this point. (**not that I would ask him of course)
You know how people always say it's better for the man to love the woman just a little bit more? That never sat right with me but I kind of understand it now... he seems to feel so lucky to be with me (which in turn makes me feel secure). He said something about me being the girl of his dreams, that I was exactly the kind of woman he imagined being with as a wife when he was little.
So I'm just going to be surrendered about it all now... that's how I feel when I'm with him anyway - all my (internal) attempts to control situations fly out the window. (it's only when I'm alone that I get my nose out of joint on the little things!!)
Thank you for the suggestions re: not rocking the boat yet, and also being respectful of his work commitments. I will remind myself to cut him some slack. He did say he was going to be working for me and "our family" anyway - LOL! I'd rather a partner who worked hard to provide even if it's long hours than someone less ambitious with more time on their hands, who I wouldn't respect as much.
I must admit I feel vastly unprepared for all of these adult discussions and decisions re: rings and weddings and houses. Even though he's so much younger I feel like he's way more mature and responsible.
Oh and speaking of age... I guess this would be the time to talk to him about that, yes? And my health history? I don't think it will matter to him if he's as deep in as he says he is... but I don't want him to think less of me for keeping it from him. I'm kind of terrified at breaking that news though - 8 years is SUCH a huge age difference, it will blow his mind.
It's funny that you brought this up, M., because I thought about this today and wondered if it would be a mistake at this juncture to talk to him about your age and your past illness...and I think that it is. By the way, it's something that I don't talk about much; but I do sort of have this psychic thing that I must have picked up on before I read this from you...(it runs in the family...but I guess I'll blog about that some other time...it is suffice to say that that first time I noticed it, I was 12 and it's never gone away...)
But back to you; I think that for now, I'd hold off on telling him--and let his love for you grow deeper. Right now, I think he's as far into this as he is out--and I wouldn't be doing telling him--yet. Wome people wait until afer marriage to bring this kind of thing up...as for myself, I would probably tell before the marriage; but this is up to you. For example, my cousin husband didn't tell her that he had mitro valve until after the wedding.
I've often heard men say that they met a woman that they liked and once the 'xyz' on her resume popped up, they left the woman instead of marrying them--and they added that if she would have told them later, it wouldn't have mattered as much. It is the truth; but it's also taking a risk that he might walk away with new information about who you are.
I did want to mention to you that you did do something that unwittingly worked to your advantage--and that was that J. saw you out dating another guy. He IS afraid of someone else snatching you up before he does....
Go with the flow for now--go ring shopping and neighborhood shopping. If you don't want to tell him exactly the ring that you prefer you can always say white or yellow gold/platinum...that depends on you. would you rather pick it or let him choose and have it be a surprise? I'm picky and I would hate to wear a ring that I didn't LOVE for the rest of my life...
It's interesting because my girlfriend Kathy and I were talking a couple of days ago and she asked me if over time, I had bought things like furniture or china patterns and my taste had changed and I didn't like them anymore. I told her that I didn't...for the most part, everything that I love, I've loved since I was a little girl.
I still have the same traditional cherry and mahogany furniture that I picked out when I was in my 20's and I still love it just as much. The mistakes that I made in choosing certain china patterns and stemware were in that I chose patterns that become discontinued. I've recommend to my young cousins and young girls that I mentor to pick a plain 'wedding band' style of china from lenox and a traditional pattern of glassware from waterford, so that even if you break a piece and it can't be replaced, you can always find something else that matches or blends seamlessly.
One more bit of advice that has always worked for women that I know...when they get the ring, to say that it was more beautiful than she could have imagined...and then was honored to wear it, but that this ring is yours and could have it back whenever you want...
(I don't know a man who would dream of asking for it back after your being perfectly willing to let him have it!)
It's sort of a throw back to when a man gave a girl HIS ring, HIS pin or HIS letterman jacket...and I love that...
I know that you have two dates set up and you're wondering what to do about them since you feel silly telling these men that when they had contacted you, that you and J. had broken up and that now the two of you are back together...so I'm going to volley this back to you. What do you want to do? Just a couple of days ago you were telling me that you were angry that you weren't dating others when J. asked you for what you felt was premature monogamy. A date doesn't have to mean anything more than just spending a couple of hours over a meal with someone new.
No comments:
Post a Comment