Hi Fran. My friend met this guy through her friend, who she's interested in. She contacted him on facebook a few weeks ago and suggested going out. He invited her to his gig night. She couldn't make it. They then eventually went out last weekend...again to one of his bars. Last night they kissed.
Has this ruined the courting, chase, pursuit?
Last year she went through a painful breakup so I know she's keen to meet someone she really likes. I just wish she could take it slow...
She is kind of worrying now. What can I suggest to her so he can be more yang? If a guy really likes a girl after a while he might realise that he'll have to be more yang to pursue her...she's almost too keen to be in a relationship...
Unfortunately, nothing. A man either decides that he wants to be the pursuer in a relationship and run the ship, or he doesn't. She can either stop pursuing him and hope that he likes her enough to continue this or he'll fade away.
Obviously, she has taken the yang position by pursuing this guy--which I don't have a problem with unless she is expecting him to take over the roll of the masculine energy--which he likely won't. If she's interested in being the feminine energy who is cherished, protected and provided for then she has to wait for a man to choose her. If she chooses the masculine energy who provides, pursues and protects, she might have found the right man for her; he hasn't worked very hard to impress her. As I said to S. a couple of days ago, men in the arts are more feminized.
I get that she is pursuing him because she does want a relationship with him. Typically our girls like to be in the yin position and for the men to be in the yang position...but unless she's wanting a relationship where she takes on some the masculine attributes and the man takes on some of the feminine--and they communicate this to each other in what Pat calls amigo talk; I'm not sure that this is going anywhere..especially if what she wants in her heart is to be the feminine energy and be pursued.
However, there is relationship type where the male and female switch energies but ask each other before switching. Such as I have an idea about where I'd like to have dinner, when would be a good time to talk that? And then asks him you how do you feel about that? Or he might say I'm feeling xyz what do you think? And the masculine/feminine energy dynamic is changed. She feels/he thinks; he feels/she thinks. This way there aren't two feminine energies (women) or two masculine energies (men) in the relationship at the same time. In this kind of relationship, both partners are respected for their thoughts and cherished for their feelings.
As a general rule, the feminine energy is the one that is receptive...so if she's pursing and he's receptive to that pursuit, she's in the masculine and he is in the feminine. If he picks the restaurant, and asks her to accompany him, he's in the masculine energy and she's in the feminine. The masculine energy is the pursuer. If she pursues a kiss from him, she's in the masculine.
It's very difficult for both women and men in today's society to decide which 'side' of the fence they are more comfortable on...but we should pick a side and for as much as possible in our interpersonal relationships, stay on it. Men today are pursued more and more pursued by women who have been taught that the world is your oyster, to go out and get what they want; they can have it all. They have been misdirected to THINK that the man of their choice is on that list. Men have become so used to women pursuit that anything more than minimal effort is too great a burden; including that sex is easily available and not earned from a woman as a by-product of his efforts.
There's a television show here in the U.S. which is called The Millionaire Matchmaker...the girl who is the CEO is a Pat Allen girl and she always says 'the penis does the picking' and she's right. It's always a man's choice but a woman's prerogative to say yes or no.
You asked me if a masculine man will withdraw from her. Yes, Cindy--a masculine man will NOT allow a woman to pursue him--he needs to be the hunter. He may be hanging around waiting for a mating opportunity; but unless he likes himself in the feminine energy; I don't imagine he'll be there for long.
If he's used to 'fan adoration' and woman throwing himself toward him; he has very little work to do with women and will probably expect the same from her--especially if she continues to pursue.
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