Sharks

(Author's note: For those readers unfamiliar with an 8 week wait, it is based on the science that right handed men have a more difficult time moving from their left lobed 'thinking' brain across a smaller corpus collosum (than women, left handed men or genetically gay men) to their right lobed 'feeling' brain. It might take as long as 8 weeks for a man to move from 'there's something not quite right in my life' to 'my life is far better off with her in it than not'. Frequently, it takes this amount of time for a man to come back with a proposal and a ring if a woman feels that she has waited long enough for a man to ask her to be his wife; when she's ready to move on to a man who would fulfill her dream of being a wife and mother if the man standing in front of her chooses not to. She ends her relationship and waits 8 weeks for him to change his mind before realizing that the chances are, he isn't coming back and  becoming sexually involved with another man.  At any time during a relationship a man may choose to go 'radio silent' and withdraw from a woman; typically to resolve some internal issue about where the relationship is or isn't heading.)

(Continued conversations with M.)

I would be shocked if this is an 8week wait, given that he apparently can't handle the idea of me dating other people...

Personally, I've been known to go oxy-crazy over just a kiss on the neck—but Pat always says that intercourse makes it much, much worse...so, you are as bonded to him right now as you can be right now. She also says the first three days are the worst withdrawal days from the drug and if you can get past that, you'd be saving yourself alot of 'going to see the shrink' money! But by the way, high five on the high estrogen levels. Oxytocin bonds to estrogen…the more that you have, the easier for you--and me--to bond!

If writing is more comfortable for you, then write. I always like writing because it gives me a chance to collect my thoughts--however, Pat says that talking is the most intimate form of communication, Then writing, then texting; so your intimacy levels are devalued the deeper down the list you go. Since a man's brain chemistry is all about short snippets of information, I wouldn't get too wordy.

Do I just invite him over for dinner and save the explaining for in person - or do I give the apology first and then propose the give back? I think you're right about letting him see me vulnerable (because truthfully a past relationship IS probably why I blew up about the sleepover thing... that and feeling uncherished by the texts/last minute dates). But do I wait to bring up my past in person or touch on it in writing first?

*I* would tell him that 'I'd love to spend some time with him, that I have some things that I would like to talk to him about, and would he come to dinner on Saturday at 7:00 p.m.? This way he knows that you want to see him, and that he has some time to be prepared to 'talk' to you. At some point during the evening you are going to have to ask him, I have some things I'd like to talk about regarding my behavior this past week, would now be OK? He may say yes, or he may say no, I'm having too good a time to spoil this mood...

I wouldn't get caught up in his telling you that you're vain. Looking in the mirror if someone tells you there is a bruise on their lip is a natural reaction--I would have done the same thing--AND I don't know anyone who WOULDN'T have. He's angry with you and having it come out as snippy comments. He's looking to be connected deeper with you and he's thinking that you aren’t connecting with him. OK, so you handled the face book request. Is it not possible to tell him something that is a secret to you but NOT something he can use to beat you up with? That was why I suggested to you that you pick something--like you've already decided the names of your future children that you've never told anyone else...or your dream wedding dress, or where you'd like to be married, or some secret desire--share SOMETHING but not everything. You also have to remember that men see sex as a way of reconnecting. Women need for everything to be OK before they want to have sex; men want to have sex as a way to make everything OK. Pat always says that the only two lays that matter  in a relationship are the first and the last-- because your relationship typically doesn’t grow past your first lay and once you’re had the last one, you’ve checked out of the relationship. You know women who have slept with men early and then they wonder why the men didn't call them back? It's because there wasn't any emotional attachment to the sex. If a woman is looking for a relationship, then forestalling sex until he has fallen in love with you gets you closer to the relationship that you want...the loving, bonded, monogamous one that we all do.

Ask him again WHEN he would like you to call. If he waffles, tell him again that you would like to follow his lead in this relationship. And I think this is what the problem is--he's trying to lead and instead of letting him, you're fighting him...and that's a big red flag for him..

He accuses me of seeing other guys, no matter how many times I tell him I'm not...

He's feeling insecure because he's falling for you...and you're fighting him--(read that as your choice to have lunch last Sat. with someone else instead of seeing him, etc.). I'm not beating you up over your choice, but looking at it from his point of view. Either you are going to have to tell him that you've made a commitment to see only him because of your feelings for him--which is very scary and vulnerable--or you can tease him back by saying that if he doesn't take you off the market soon, someone else will...are you ready for an engagement ring? He's already thinking of how, when and where he's going to marry you. You can encourage that; you would welcome it with verbalizing 'that's sounds so perfect' and soothe his insecurities.

Then you should tell him that although you accepted his facebook request, you barely use the site, so if he send you a message, please not to be angry if you haven't responded to him in a reasonable time...

The facebook status thing is important because he wants to announce to the world loud and proud that you're his girl; let him. I think that Steve Harvey says in one of his books that a man in love protects, provides and professes.

Again, this comes down to your comfort level--we all hate the texting with 'just dates' but this guy is now your boyfriend...does that give him a 'slide' on the texting? Am I remembering correctly that he has asked you to text him? Remember that for as much as we try to course correct a man's behavior; we also follow his lead. If he's asking for 'I miss you' texts, text him. He's only been on the phone with you for 3 minutes at a time and he's overwhelmed at work—this makes his need for contact with you right now to be efficient--but stay in contact.

A yang male will only fight for you for so long without it becoming exhausting to him and to move on to a woman who is easier--that's why alpha males either have LOTS of beta women--who are easy to be with or he tames one wild alpha female--but you have to be willing to be caught and tamed by him. You have to allow him to lead. There is a difference between your leading/chasing and expecting him to follow you and his leading and you’re CHOOSING to follow him.

Alpha females are a handful; beta’s are easier to be with by far…but alpha males have a far more interesting life with us than without us. I keep giggling thinking about Stephen Hawking saying that the one thing that he doesn’t understand is women…and I’m sure that the differences between the sliding scale of beta’s to alpha’s are just as much of a mystery. How does one begin to understand a diamond? To see the differences between the cuts and the clarity; between the fire and the light; the blackness of carbon and the whiteness of the stone. The differences between how you hold it and what gets reflected back to you…the imperfections formed in each of us under pressure and darkness compared to the beauty and rarity in the eyes of the beholder after it’s found. It's the alpha diamonds that need the cutting and shaping; the beta's are cabochons--limited in their depth, ability to have clarity or reflection.

p.s. Did you see 'An Idiot Abroad' when Karl Pilkington was going to experience zero gravity and they mentioned to him that Stephen Hawking had done it and Karl's response was something to the effect of 'well what harm to that do to him now?' Cruel comment, but I laughed.