The conversation with my MMA fighter continues:
One of the things I’ve noticed is that the more successful MMA guys I know all date/marry beautiful/feminine girls.Whereas some of the hobbyist types either like or have to settle for girls who themselves want to kickbox and wrestle with dudes. Oh she's definitely attractive for a female MMA fighter. I just prefer my maiden fantasy. Today's modern chick usually doesn't do it for me, let alone one that's into masculine activities.
Yes it's evolution....beautiful women move a man's genes forward. She will likely produce attractive offspring that will then have greater likelyhood to attract a mate and produce their own attractive offspring. Women marry for status and stability. And I guess that's part of the problem with your wanting a '10'. Not only are there fewer to go around, but you're fighting with 'men of status' to 'get' her. A smart woman will always go for 'a better deal' for herself and her potential brood.
Think of masculine/feminine energy as a see-saw--the further you are out at the edges the further your partner has to be to be 'balanced' with you. if you have a very masculine man he HAS to have a very feminine woman.
I’ve gotten the full range of reactions over the years from girls regarding MMA. I dont need someone who loves it, just someone that doesn't have a low opinion of it.
I have actually gone back and forth between showing them videos right off the bat or holding back and trying to get to know them first. In my inexperience I assumed that a young conservative chick might fight that overwhelming or off-putting. I'm still gonna hold it for a while at least with a new girl.
It's seductive to be with a man in a position of power...think about your muay thai chick digging after you taught that class. Even I have fallen in love with the man standing in the front of the room....
Oh, you did martial arts classes?
No, but both of my brother’s did. The older one took karate classes for a few years. The younger one has trained all over the far east and brazil and has black belts in disciplines that I had never even heard of before.
I'd like to think that for all the women running around with stories of how horrible men ruined their lives, some will actually want to be treated well and have loyalty. Having a guy that gives them credit cards to fund a second childhood can't be everything.
It's not funding a second childhood, but comes under the heading of 'providing'. Let's admit that being a 10 or as close as you can come to it takes work for a woman. A man providing that for a woman is very much appreciated. Manicures, pedicures, facials, waxing, gym memberships, clothes, makeup...all come at a financial cost.
I understand. It’s very difficult to combine the Biblical mandate for relationships with the modern American culture of extremely extended adolescence that pushes marriage and adulthood back by many years. It’s even harder with someone gorgeous.
I think that you're overthinking this. There is a difference between a more formal or even chaperoned, courtship verses a hanging out dating situation. If you’re with someone 'hanging out' 6 days per week, making out on a couch, laying in bed watching a movie, being alone together and kissing, it easily progresses to something more physical. Your body starts responding--the way that nature intended it to. It's difficult day after day, month after month, year after year to say no to someone that you love. It's a part of being in a loving; sharing and giving pleasure adult relationship.
It’s not saying 'no' that makes it hard, it's being in love and saying no when you want to share every part of yourself with that person...shorter engagements/earlier marriages are the right way to go; although I am right there with you with the American extended adolescence. I’m currently reading KING WARRIOR MAGICIAN LOVER rediscovering the archetype of the mature masculine. I'm about 3/4 of the way through it and it's an interesting read... on how the immature--or should I say not fully formed male handles each of the archetypes that live within him.
You should be kissing a woman at the end of every date—IF you want to see her again. Kissing is a way to build attraction. The past president of one of the real estate clubs I used to belong to is a perfect example. I had known him for about a year, didn't find him attractive at all--in fact I thought he was a bit of an ass. At a Christmas party about 10 years ago, we were talking; still no attraction for him at all. As he said goodbye to me, he leaned over and kissed me on the neck--for a minute I stopped breathing--and when my body realized what had happened I actually gasped for air. That lead to 8 years of my loving him. I didn't need his testosterone passed through his saliva--I smelled him and his pheromones took over my body.
That seems awfully ballsy and risky on his part. Not just for fear of rejection but for sexual harassment claims.
Had he been brooding over you and finally made a move, you think? Or just decided to push his luck and test the waters?
It sounds like you’re extremely selective and don’t compromise on your convictions.
Lol. It's only harassment if someone's complaining! I think that he was momentarily inspired and did what all masculine men do when they are...he kissed me. But to answer your question all that I can do is what my mentor taught me--and what I teach other women--because its the only thing that feels right...and that is no 'in' before a commitment. If a man wants more, he has to show up offering me more. If not, tough--he can move on to a 'cheaper' woman who won’t require more of him. And being that ‘hard to get into bed’ is actually a gift to a man—although initially he won’t see it that way. He has to KNOW how hard he had to work to get you and in so doing he’ll know that unless a man is THAT willing to fight that hard to have you, you, as his woman aren’t sleeping with someone else.
How did you meet the girl in California and why aren’t you dating her?
A while back I had made a profile on a generic Christian site, which was a mistake in retrospect. Basically anyone can claim they’re Christian and have a buffet style value system.
I had girls messaging me with "wanna come over and wrestle?"
Met a couple off there but nothing really clicked.
In the closing days of my membership I sent out a few buzzes to the hottest ones regardless of location (I’m very shallow when it comes to looks, unfortunately.)
One was like drop dead gorgeous and from Cali. Had an interesting look to her like mixed race and ethnic with delicious chocolate brown hair.
We started chatting and for whatever reasons I’m usually able to steer it to personal subjects without being a creep or being too interrogative (usually).
So we were both kind of in the same boat. Difficulty meeting like-minded eligible singles but able to attract non like-minded ones.
Kept in contact and now she's someone I'll check in with every so often and offer each other encouragement.
When I was in my 20’s I moved to LA for about 8 weeks to see if I would like it enough for a permanent move. What I learned then was that I hated California--well I did until my last trip there when I spent a lot of time in Orange County--Newport Beach is very nice. I had the people, I hated the 'cas Cal' (casual California) attitude in work ethic and friendships (there is a whole attitude of not being able to count on people that you would consider your friend 'enough' to show up--an excuse of 'I flaked' is somehow accepted and all is forgiven), I even hated the plane ride out there. My point is that no matter how much I hated it, I would move for a committed relationship--in a heartbeat.
Long distance relationships can work--and really what would be stopping you from going there? The mixed martial arts scene in California is strong-you could train there easily. You don't have ties that bind you here--like your kids and grandkids.My younger brother lives in LA his girlfriend lives here in NJ. She works for an airline so the airfare is easier--but your girl might be willing to move to NJ for her future husband.
I can’t imagine how that relationship works out? Do they see each other monthly?
I have major ties here within my chosen craft. Reputation and connections that will play out long term in the future. I’m not really a California type guy when it comes to culture or politics.
Don’t get me wrong, all bets might well be off if I fell for some girl I met and she was going somewhere and it was lose her or chase her for the time being.
But I don’t want to voluntarily put myself into such a compromising and trying situation.
Dr. Pat--my mentor, says that a boy should have his first 'fisher king' wound by the time he's ten--and it should be from his mother; whom he loves. She has to say no to him so that he learns that the world or women do not give to him--that he has to do good to feel good. He has to give and protect. Your friends curled up in the fetal position and not showering don't ever want to go through that pain again--so they learn to cherish what they love. I really liked a guy who at 43 has just had his wound--I call it an emotional circumcision. He's been married twice, fell hopeless in love with someone else and after years of trying--(he even moved to Las Vegas to be closer to her) and her saying 'no thanks' he's finally starting to realize his behavior was partially to blame and is apologizing for being an ass.
The F'ed up part of all these stories seems to me to be that people can’t simply respond well to those that treat them well and offer them good things. Following some gut feeling and chasing someone that isn’t good for you is extremely foolish and you don’t get those years back.
I may be inhumanely cold and robotic, but I'm trying to engineer the results that are desirable to me. If someone hurts me, it’s over. I dont care at all for anyone using your feelings towards him as a way to humiliate you.
I strongly believe that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
That way you are never caught off guard and burned, and if someone does change their stripes for the better, you are pleasantly surprised.
There are some people that I very much feel that way about. However, the difference is one’s level of attraction—and I'd love to find a man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Holding a ruthless grudge against a potential mate doesn't get me closer to my goal, but further from it.
I hear that. I just don't see the sense in giving someone that's demonstrated they're not trustworthy a second chance to harm me
Those feelings took a lot of growth on my part. I always say the Italian part of me forgives NOTHING. My mentor Pat says that even if a guy comes back into your life after a mere 6 months what he did to you previously has no bearing on who he is today. Everyone mess up, unless someone has done something illegal, immoral or unethical you should have the grace to give someone an opportunity to start from scratch rebuilding a trustworthy track record...
Having down the line a life in shambles but the memory of one amazingly passionate 8 month affair, that left me devastated, broke, and jaded for the future, is not something I am interested in regardless of how "right" it feels for a moment. It sucks and really bothers me that things are so warped.
I always say that you know that you've grown up when things change for you from wanting to sleep with someone to wanting to wake up with them....it does change in time....
I'll be honest with you. I've never really wanted JUST to sleep with someone. I've wanted to be a husband and a father even before I wanted to be a fighter.
It's all or nothing with me. I'm extremely possessive. Just getting a girl to give up casual sex one time holds zero allure to me.
I want her loyalty, her youth, her womb.
I have to tell you that this is weird--not to have a visceral sexual 'I wanna to f you' reaction... maybe it was just sexually driven for you with the muay thai girl; I don't know...Last week I was grocery shopping and there was this Spanish guy, cafe au late skin, full lips, beautiful dark hair--he was in his early 30's. I'm not normally attracted to guys that young, but I couldn't stop myself from actually licking my lips as I passed him with every thought being...'delicious'...
I've spent a considerable amount of time controlling and disciplining myself via the training since I was a little boy.
It's also weird not to have had your heart broken by a woman...because you NEED TO. Until and unless you've had your heart broken you wont know how to cherish a woman in your life.
I think I could cherish a woman without having been devastated. Because I'm not some guy that considers girls a dime a dozen.
I can accept there is a distinction between girls who believe in avoiding fornication before marriage for religious reasons (who will realistically be dissapointed that their husband did not) and girls who want to save themselves for their husband as a gift and want an "experienced" man.
Yes, women that save themselves for their husbands as a gift want a man who will teach them to be his lover as opposed to 'learning together'.
I wouldn't ever live with a man that I wasn't married to--he gets all of the pleasures of a 'free wife' and I get none of the security for having acted like one--I'm for sale, not for rent.
I agree it's bullshit. People then act shocked when they wind up divorced. But they already had everything a marriage entails EXCEPT the commitment and then once they took that step they had nothing to look forward to or enjoy except for added burden.
I get pissed when training partners and friends refer to their long time girfriend as "the wife".
Mindless equivalency. I try and follow the sentiment of Monsieur Talleyrand-Perigord who said "Regimes may fall and fail...........but I do not."
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