Spellbound

I had someone talk to me today about ‘doing’ rather than ‘being’ in regard to a dating situation and whether or not is far too much ‘doing’ to get dressed up for a date. I told her that it was not. That as a feminine woman, for as much as we complain that men toss the ball back into our court regarding dating, it still behooves us to show up having made an effort and at our best.

Yes, the dating world is exhausting. The incessant texts of ‘what’s up?’, let me know if you want to get together sometime for drinks, what would you like to do on our date; tell me your ideal first date; you can pick whatever you want to do; it’s exhausting to us. Don’t make us do the work—really. IF you want to date us and we are your guest, treat us as such. Make a plan, change the plan, stick to the plan; just don’t ask a woman to in any way, shape or form, to plan—we hate it.

If we wanted to do what we wanted to do, we’d be doing it—without you. All that we want is to be relaxed, taken care of and delighted to be in your company. Inspire us with your creativity, good conversation and better behavior. And in return women (that I mentor anyway) promise to be appreciative, respectful and to show up looking good, smelling good, tasting good, sounding good and feeling good.

That is the reality of what men are paying for when they date us…the privilege of the company of a beautiful woman; the company he can’t get with male friends or colleagues. It’s that difference that leaves a man fascinated and indeed spellbound.

So yes ladies, show up having made your best effort.

You’re important. When you walk into a room, show it. If at all possible don’t meet him after working all day. Be fresh when you meet him. Feel the difference in yourself; how you’ve changed from office mode to feeling like woman. I think that a perfect word that should describe a woman’s presence on a date is slinky; how you move, eat, drink, run your fingers through your hair, show the skin on your forearms by pushing up your sleeves.

Dressing for a date is both your first impression and your first bit of flirtation. It’s a lasting impression—so be beautiful. Case and point is that my MMA fighter yesterday—after 6 months of meeting the girl that I fixed him up with asked me how much input I had in dressing her for the evening—because she looked so great; he also told me that after having dated her—just once, he is now comparing every other woman he’s dating to her. I’ve spent two years grooming her with the same advice that I’m giving to all of you reading, and it pleased me that he said so.

Your way of ‘being’ in the world will attract him or not. You have to make a man realize that you are different. There is something unique about you and you know it. Your dress either demands importance, or it doesn’t.

It is that importance that is required in you to attract the man of your choice. Let me explain. I was once chosen to participate in a management training course. For one day per week for a year, I didn’t have to go to work—I was paid to go to school. My professor used to say to me that I had a lot of ‘reverent power’. That there was something about me when I walked into a room, there was that demanded respect and awe. We’ve all witnessed that. It was a compliment that I have never forgotten. I didn’t know what it was about me at that time; but I do now.

Clothing came up in a different conversation with someone else recently. She told me that the poorer you dress the more likely it is that you will attract a lesser (beta) male—because beta men KNOW that it takes much less to make you happy.

I’ve thought about that and she is correct. If you’re hanging at a bar wearing jeans and a sweater, then a man that knows NOTHING else about you will know that all you need are jeans, a sweater and being at a bar to make you happy. He’s not going to be O.K. with you suddenly desiring Hermes; he’ll leave you for a woman that will require less from him because he can’t or chooses not live up to the challenge of what it takes to have you. Know your worth.

(By the way, doesn’t Hermes make the most adorable purse charms? Do a web search of the Hermes snail cadena lock charms; I don’t own it, but I wish that I did—in the palladium color. It’s just a pretty little bit of nothingness that brings me such joy!) And by the way ladies, once you know ‘your colors’, and know whether you are a yellow gold or white metals lady, work as diligently as you can to match all of your jewelry and accessories to your correct coloring. Hermes is one designer that offers his bags in both yellow and silver colored hardware including the cadenas’. You’ll always look polished and put together.

So how to dress: know your body type, what shape of clothing looks good on you as well as the colors that bring light and softness to your face. There is a very big difference between fashion and style. The latter will not only bring years of being able to extend your wardrobe, but you will be noticed for having lots of ‘it’. For example, if your body and face tend to be more angular and square, poufy or rounded tailoring will look awful on you. No rounded collars or sleeves, no lace, no curves. It will compete with your body shape and you’ll never look right. You need more tailored, square shoulders straight lines. However with curvy girls, the curvier, the better; straight tailored clothing will look awful on you. Wrap dresses, showing off your womanly assets and tiny waist is the right way to go.

I’m only 5’2 a great lengthening look on me is to wear one shade head to toe—or close to it. I’ve fallen in love with winter white. I live on the east coast and for as much as the only color to be seen in is what I call 'Manhattan black'-- everyone wears black all of the time. I’ve decided that black doesn't look good on me and to stop buying 'little black dresses' in exchange for 'little winter white’ ones. Winter white lights up my face, shows off any color of makeup nicely and it's just as neutral as any black….but you stand out in a crowd. My father used to call women like that ‘the angel in white’.

A woman reveals herself through her clothing; not by a lack of it. The way that you dress has to be far less of an attempt to capture a man’s attention based on what he saw than what his imagination might lead him to through inspiration. He needs to have his imagination stray beyond what could be seen on top.

I like the idea of that—most women do…it’s the secret of what lies below the surface…much like women who wear garters and thigh highs to the office; no one but her knows the depths of what might be kindled right underneath her attire.

I consider perfume part of what you wear. Wear a lingering fragrance; a man will forever link the scent of you with his desire to know more of you. A man needs to feel a woman’s presence—and feel that something is missing when she’s not around. Your scent is a way to lock in his memory of you.

The one perfume that I can recommend that smells like nothing else on the market is the original signature fragrance of the lingerie store La Perla. I had someone bring me that perfume as gift from Italy a long time ago. Now with the internet and actually having La Perla stores here in the U.S. it's readily available.

Men like the differences between us, stop dressing like or behaving like one of the guys. Men love long hair. You’ve never seen women in girly magazines sporting short hair. Tell your stylist that you’re letting your hair grow and don’t let her talk you into cutting it. Even if you have a pixie face that looks great in short hair, stop yourself from cutting it if you’re looking to attract a man. If it’s at a strange phase, extensions are easy enough to get to work your way through the year’s wait to have it never again be shorter than you’re longest finger and always, always soft.

Ditch the hairspray and run your fingers through it instead. Farrah Fawcett sold millions and millions of posters of herself in that red bathing suit for one reason and it was not because she was beautiful, but her tussled hair made men think that she had just gotten out of bed and they dreamt what they might do to convince her to get back into it. Men love the way that hair feels when it tickles their chest. A woman should always think long, lean and sensual instead of fashionable. Pick natural fibers for your clothing. There is nothing more beautiful next to your skin than the feeling of soft silk. And no matter what the politically correct say, wear fur. It’s soft, warm and primal…

Wear your eye makeup smoky. Despite the fashion over the last few years to lighten your eyebrows, the darker your eyebrows are the better they frame your eyes. If they are light, darken them, and keep them shaped the way that they are shaped naturally. Fuller is far better than thinner. A fuller eyebrow is more youthful than eyebrows that are overly plucked; and worst of all is a complete removal with eyebrows being drawn on. If you some need inspiration on ‘how to get the look that men love’, look at how makeup is applied to the women in girly magazines…soft moist lips and smoky eyes.

I happen to love high heels. They tighten your calves muscles, they lift your tush and give a curve to the lower back that men find so inviting; it’s is reminiscent of when primates mated front to back. Females arched their backs to their mates give easier access to their gentiles Buy shoes that are considered sexy…plain, high-heeled stiletto pumps with pointed toes go with everything. Adorned with jewels they’re perfect for an evening out. Buy nice quality shoes and bags…they will serve you well for many seasons.

The bottom line, women, is to both dress and behave like one. I have a friend who married a southern gentleman who was forever chiding her to behave like a gentile southern woman. Being from NY she confided to me that she didn’t know how to behave like one because she had never seen one. If you want to learn how, become a casual observer. Watch other women fuller versed in the wiles interact with men. Emulate them, men will notice and treat you accordingly.