The Laws of Attraction

It’s two days before New Year’s Eve. Eli and I went to the mall yesterday. She’s just 7 weeks pregnant and told me yesterday…she has her first ultrasound to listen to the baby’s heartbeat tomorrow. Her baby is due right around my birthday; that makes me happy. It would be nice to have the gift of a little one in my life; even if it’s not mine...I was informed that I’m on the emergency contact list (already) for the baby’s daycare.

She talked to me about a tape series she listens to on a regular basis and loaned it to me. It’s written by the woman who wrote the movie and ultimately the book (that seems backwards to me—but that’s how it happened) ‘The Secret’. I’ve been exposed to the laws of attraction before. A million years ago I read Suze Orman’s Nine Steps To Financial Freedom; and it made a lot of sense to me then. What it left me with was a sense of peace.

This is different and it has me thinking about it. I’m only 1 CD into it, but it says that everything in your life should come from a place of love; and the physics/laws of the universe have every action cause a reaction.

I’ve thought about the times in my life when I would meet men everywhere. I was once walking into a mall with my mother and the two of us were talking. A guy walked past us about 20 feet turned around walked back and started talking to us. He said 'where are all the nice girls, my mother told me to become a doctor and I’d meet a nice girl'…turned out he was a cardiologist. He gave me his card; I threw it away. Not because he wasn’t handsome—he was—he was half Italian and half French but because I wasn’t interested enough to have chased him by calling. Had he asked for my number I might have given it to him. Maybe. At that time in my life I wasn’t dating men outside of my religion. I didn’t want the strife of having to question the religion I’d be raising my children in.

Truth be told, it’s still the optimum, but I’ve lessened my resolve to concentrate on just getting through dinner with a man and not looking any further toward a future. There was another time that I recall of being in Manhattan, just a little too early for a job interview; a guy walked to the corner, then walked back to talk to me. What was different then? Was it that I gave more than I do now so less comes back to me? Certainly far more to my family; certainly, I had a larger group of friends and a more active social life. Certainly, I was generally happier; I hadn’t had many of my life’s disappointments that only come from the experience of having lived so many years on the planet.

The tape series says that you should only talk out loud about what brings you love…what brings you joy because when you speak of things that annoy or upset your day, the reaction that you get from the universe is more annoyance and upset; instead of  bringing you more joy and more love. Maybe we’re more focused on the negativity so that’s what we see-- instead of the childlike non-dwelling and being active in the moment we’re living in.

I read the book Blink this week—well yesterday and today. It typically doesn’t take me more than a day or two to read a book. There were a few things that struck me about Blink—one was the background story on micro-facial expressions—and the enjoyment that I had from the TV show ‘Lie To Me’ based on the man who made a science out of understanding them. And secondly the fact that although we believe that our inner thoughts created our expressions, it is also a two way street—that our expressions impact our emotions.

I particularly smiled in the book when they talked about filming one patient who had tried several times to commit suicide but told the doctors in the psychiatric ward that she was feeling better and asked for a weekend pass to see her family; she ended up committing suicide on that outing. By slowing down the film the doctors were able to see (in her micro-facial expressions) her despair when she was asked about her future. In the TV show, they wrote that filming and slowing down of the tape into the story line claiming that the reason Dr. Lightman began his interest in the subject and ultimately became an expert in the field was that the woman who committed suicide was his mother; he was obsessed with watching it over and over to see what was missed. Nice job on the back story. I loved the way they would show pictures of real people with real facial expressions with stills of the characters on the show with the same expression of deceit, contempt, fear…I was so sorry it was cancelled…it was great television.

I also spent time with my girlfriend Cathy this week. She told me of the difficulties in her marriage of how her husband belittled her in public because she surmised he was jealous of her. If he was, he had reason to be…she was always the entrepreneur, she was always a millionairess, she was unequivocally the brighter of the two; she was always the mover and shaker of their relationship. She wants to move her life to a place in ministry. She wishes for the kind of relationship where her husband is a supporter instead of being her detractor as his default setting. I told her that the well was empty…to stop going back to the well hoping for water to sustain her. That she has to have to have areas of her life, where if he isn’t going to support her, she needs to keep them separate from him with very clear boundaries. Otherwise, her spirit and the affectation in others’ lives dies. She told me that was wise.

I told her that her life’s growth was a journey in which she couldn’t bring her husband with her…it was a passage for one. I thought about her as I read Blink. I had heard of the studies many years ago in which they could tell, by watching couples, detect in moments whether or not they would divorce in less than 10 years. What I didn’t remember was the statistic of 'if the ratio is less than 5 positive experiences to one negative’, divorce was imminent. Cathy is tied by religion to her husband and not willing to divorce. I’m not sure that would deter me where if I living with him; then again, I wouldn’t have married him to begin with. She knew he was wrong; she married him anyway. I wouldn’t have done that. Twice, I was asked by men that I KNEW I couldn’t make a lifetime commitment to and I wouldn’t do that to a man; the were released back into the wild for a woman who would appreciate everything they had to offer. It wasn’t fair for me to have stood up in front of God, my friends, his family and vowed forever if I didn’t mean it.

All that I’ve ever wanted in a marriage was one guy, one time. Eli and I talked about why I hadn’t had children and whether I was sorry that I didn’t. Of course I was. It didn’t happen for me; and I have to resolve myself to believing that perhaps not all trees are meant to bear fruit; the inherent beauty is in the tree itself.

She told me that less than 8 weeks ago, she had put 'a baby' on her ‘intention’ board and it happened for her. I’ve never made one—she told me that I should…and a few other Ecuadorian old wives tales. One, that I should be carrying lentils in my purse, for prosperity; that on New Year's eve that I need to sweep all of my floors but in the direction of and out of my front door, to start the new year off fresh and clean; that I need to eat 12 grapes at midnight and make 12 wishes fully expecting 6 of them to come true; and most fun of all, that I need to be wearing brand new red panties into New Years day *IF* I want a new love to come into my life. I’m going shopping today! I look at the new red panties as if it were chicken soup when you’re sick—I’m not sure it’ll help, but I don’t think it would hurt.