Seduction: Part Two

I was in Atlantic City last night; I had gotten VIP seats to a MMA fight. I was sitting right behind Bjorn Rebney, Jimmy Smith, Eddie Alvarez and Ben Askren…nothing but carpet between us. Jimmy Smith is a really hot guy. I always thought so when I saw him on TV—but he’s even more so in person. He flirted with me; he made faces; I smiled at him. I don’t know what the appeal is for me with guys from California lately…I’ve always been an ‘East coast men rock’ kind of girl. Jimmy Smith is always in high gear—the way that I like my guys—he’s always moving, like Craig Carton; and it’s very sexy. I wrote on my relationship list yesterday to one of the girls that when you have your ‘list’ in your head of what you want or don’t, it narrows your potential mates down to practically none. I had a girlfriend once do a statistical analysis on my ‘right fit potential mates’. It came down to a measly fifty thousand men—nationwide. That’s only ten thousand per state—and I’m not going to Alaska to date someone. That number also didn’t take into account men that were already involved, or didn’t want to be. If someone would have ever asked me would I be interested in a guy who was 5’5, I would have probably responded with God no—I like the 5’10 to 6’2 range…he’s an exception to the rule and it proved my point, his masculine energy and sexuality far outweighed his physical height.

But back to Seduction… I wasn’t planning on passing the place where the kiss ended what I had hoped would be the beginning. And maybe it’s because I knew that I was going, that my thoughts returned to him; maybe it’s because the yearly conference anniversary is just a week or two away…maybe it’s because I’ve never stopped thinking about him that I have it distilled. It’s compassion. From the first moments that I watched him, I knew him; I understand him, it may be cliché to say, but I feel his pain; it is familiar. Alpha recognizes alpha. I knew there would be love, so I had no choice but to dial it down.

Yes, I’ll admit that it was a test. I tested him the way that every woman should test a man before she sleeps with him. If his answer is no, then she’s learned everything she needs to learn about your intentions--and my answer is to you is thank you, but no.

I asked L. by my actions of turning down the heat if he liked me enough to stay if I took sex off the table—for a while—and his answer was no. He had a choice; I gave him the tools that he needed to stay in my life. He was angry—very, very angry. He said to me that all that I needed to do was to say ‘sorry, this went too far’. I wouldn’t have said that to him because it didn’t; it didn’t go far enough; where it went, was just in the wrong direction.

It is a gift to a man to force him to PROVE that he's worthy of a woman’s love. It really is. I wrote to a woman yesterday that a man won’t feed himself. It’s not physical food, but the food that feeds a man’s soul…his reason for living…his reason for loving is to make his woman happy. Should he not receive feeling of HER joy and happiness…that he is capable of making HER happy, he can’t stay; he’ll move on to a woman that he can. To a man, he has to do good to feel good. For a woman she has to feel good to do good. Men tell me all of the time that something is missing in their relationships. I can usually boil it down to ‘sperm chases egg’, always, and in their cases, the egg asks for more, better or different from her man. For a man, it is a noble quest that women of a different time knew by not playing, but being hard to get. Should a man hesitate for one second, he was rebuffed for a suitor who would be considered more suitable...no matter how much a woman loved him. I’ve had sage older and wiser women tell me that it is far better for a man to love you more deeply than you could ever love him.

I watched a bit of ‘the Duchess’ yesterday, it’s one of my favorite Keira Knightley movies—I drool over the beauty of her clothes…the red fox muff with the fox tailed hat to match juxtaposed over navy blue fabric….oooohhhh. In it, she, as the Duchess of Devonshire asked Charles Grey if he thought of her when they weren’t together, he hesitates and she childs him for that action. In another, a woman spurns visits from a suitor after her capture and ultimate release…he hesitated two steps before chasing after her. It was his momentary hesitation instead of unquestionable devotion and love for her that had her give as much of a cold shoulder as any woman could muster.

I had hoped that I could modify L.'s behavior until his requests were more appropriate between us. I don't mind a man whispering in my ear you looking f’ing hot tonight or wear something tight, but in my world the time to do that is after we've been intimate--not before. Afterwards, I would have enjoyed the request because men are visually oriented; because the request would have been about our being lovers and my joyfully, happily, eagerly pleasing him.

In the end what I realized is that he had to do what he did. He couldn’t allow my being one up and his being one down-- my being at least one point ahead of him in his own house—where everyone could potentially know. He couldn’t allow it without destroying his Emperor status among his legions. He couldn’t risk the humiliation so it was easier to humiliate and obliterate me. It’s how he fights, always; and I knew that from the beginning. One quick swath; one lethal cut, one complete destruction.